rubber room, here I come

I got my initial psychiatric evaluation today. I talked to the psychiatrist for about an hour and a half, and told me it was depression, with a possibility that it is manic depression (bi-polar disorder).

It’s kind of relieving to have an actual diagnosis confirmed. I was half-afraid that the shrink would find nothing wrong with me and send me away. I’ve lived with this for ten years now, and I was getting bloody tired of doctors not finding anything wrong.

After the meeting, I was sent for a blood test to find out if there was a physical reason for my tiredness. I warned the nurse that I have a small phobia of injections and especially blood tests. She gave me the option to either sit, or take a bed. Being an idiot, I chose to sit.

At first, I tried to just distract myself by reading the charts on the walls, while she got on with my arm. After a minute or so, though, I noticed a tingling in my fingers, and felt increasingly light-headed. I was a bit worried so I asked if she was almost done.

I think her answer was “Just trying to find a vein”. I only barely heard it, though, as my body chose that moment to faint.

I can only describe the experience of recovering from a faint as similar to being gently pushed awake from a very heavy slumber. I was disoriented, and took a few seconds to remember where I was.

The nurse said I had just turned white and started jerking. I was also sweating heavily, and felt weak and fragile for a while later.

With all the excitement, not a single drop of blood was extracted. I’m going to have to go back next week and have it done again. I was just not up to continuing with it today.

I’ve only ever fainted once before, and that was also from a blood test. In that case, I apparently just fell forward out of the chair I was sitting in, and it wsa just pure luck that there was another nurse there to catch me, or I might have given myself a bad head trauma.

That one was slightly different in feel to today’s episode – I remember it was as if my brain just expanded quickly and I got a “rush” before blacking out. I actually enjoyed that, I think.

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